So lost in this grey, I melt away.
Everything surrounding says misery.
I lose myself in my loss.
Dancing in this blanket, I freeze.
The water flows into me with such perfection, so precise
everything starts to turn silver.
The fall happened so fast no one seemed to notice me below.
I swallow until I can no longer feel, 'til I can no longer breathe.
I fade away
Fall into darkness
and float away.

A while ago I had thee strangest/coolest dream. It started out with this black headed kid who was a major nerd, and we were at his house. His dad and mom were there. His dad said that his mom needed her shoes. So he got them out of the coach cushion, and there were two chocolate cookes beside the shoes. He grabbed the shoes and ate a cookie, then put the cushion back. Then my friend was like "do you want to take an ISTEP practice test? It doesn't have any normal ISTEP questions on it." So I went along with it and took the test. One of the qestions were: "Do you consider cheerleaders animals?" then: "If so, would you feed the animals?" and one of the last ones was "Which vehicle is better for the environment? A. Ford Taurus, B. Chevy S10, C. Toyota Prius, or D. Chevy Orange (I don't know what my grandma's model of the car is so I call it Chevy Orange)?" but that's not all. Instead of being a written test it was like a visual test. He gave me a can of spray paint, and had me either circle or X things. I put an X over the cheerleaders chest, the food for her, the Ford Taurus, the S10, and the Chevy Orange; and circled the Prius. Thee weirdest dream i've ever had.

I'd rather hide in my pillow.

fall asleep drowning, and never wake up, than think right now.

I'd rather go blind, go deaf, than see the mess I'm in.

The mess I've created.

Some one please rip my heart out, put a knife right through my throat.

Fill a bath tub with kerosene and light a match.

I don't want to feel this.

I don't want to feel anymore.


Whoever wrote fairy tales clearly didn't know what love was.

this girl i know, she wishes she was me.

why?

so she can have him. she liked him long before i ever started talking to him.

she told him she liked him, and he rejected her.

then i came along and proved that he had lied to her.

she wonders why i can have him and she cant.

why?

she doesn't want to have him, she doesn't want to go through the shit i went through with him, all in the end....for what?

to get a broken heart, to cry every day. to miss him soo much that she throws up?

why does she want to be me, why does she want to have him?

he was good for one girl, and one girl thats all.

now he's just a waste of life, and a waste of my time.

now i'm wishing i was her, hoping to have him, talking to him every day.

getting to hear his beautiful laugh, his handsome smile.

she thinks i'm the lucky one.

but what she doesn't know is that she's really the lucky one.

You called me beautiful, you said baby a million times over.

You said your not throwing me away.

Dazed, and confused, i ask myself over and over then why do I feel like a crumbled piece of paper in your waste basket?

I've waited along time to find someone like you.

and now your leaving. and leaving me behind.

I want to believe that some day i can have you again, that'll you'll remember me and pick up the phone.

To hear beautiful, and baby come out of your sweet mouth once again.

You made me whole.

You made me feel like i met something to someone.

Like i actually mattered.

You had half of me, You had half of my heart.

Now your gone, You took all. You stole the one thing beating inside

Now i'm empty, left with nothing, and you couldnt be better.

I wake up screaming, and crying, these nightmares wont leave me.

Ive tried everything to get over you.

Nothing has worked.

I cant get rid of you, I cant remove the scars you left.